There is something I have been pondering and I believe I have it pondered enough to the point I believe I am ready to write about it and share. This post is not one of with a healing update- mainly because there is nothing truly new in that subject. We are learning and finding our feet here at clinic and therapies have begun- another subject for another time when I understand it better.
Today is more of a “zoomed out” view of where we are in this journey. I have no real notion of what God is going to do with us. But I know we are in His will at the moment- today.
To me it seems like we are at Daniel 3. Yes take a look at that chapter in Daniel in the Bible. I feel like Karyn and I are right at Daniel 3:19 to be specific. This exact spot in scripture we can just replace ‘Nebuchadnezzar’ (or his pride) with ‘cancer’. (Its amazing, how many times I think of cancer it has the traits of mans pride) There are some cool lines spoken prior to this point though. I relate so much to the response these three men gave, and what they said to the challenging authority. I am deeply encouraged from these three men of God.
Story recap: Nebby, king of the known world ordered all the officials to bow down to an image when the music began to play. These 3 men did not bow. They were sold out to he law of the Lord, and it said to not worship idols- very clearly by the way. So they were called out, Nebby encouraged them to bow, and reminded them of the penalty- death by furnace. Their response is so amazing to me. I will quote them.
“Oh Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so” (death by fiery furnace) “our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us from your hand, O king. But if not, let it be known to you O king, we will not bow down an serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.” Daniel 3:17-18 ESV
I’d like to take this scripture and place it into my situation. I encourage you fill in your blanks as well! Not to change scripture by any means, but to apply it to the heart.
“Oh pride of this life, I have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so” (death by murderous cells) my God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace of this condition, and He will deliver us from the hands of this temporary and broken place. But if not, let it be known to you all, we will not bow down to worship this life by placing it above the will and work of the Father.”
I am telling you (and I am telling me), that we have been given this journey, this race to run, this cross to bare- God has allowed the cancer in us. He allows cancer for us all. Sometimes cancer is our own mistakes maybe with debt, being a victim or the price tag from self-indulgent activity. God allows these to reveal the weight of this world. By attempting to carry these things daily we claim to be equal to the creator because He is the only One Who can take them, carry them and cure them (remember, He is the great physician, and He alone knitted us together in our mothers womb). We are not equal to the Creator, and therefore we cannot fix ourselves. We are the created. We are here to be cared for, loved on, provided for by the Father. All this requires is a childlike faith and humility. Cry out “Daddy, I can’t do this without You!”
When I first heard of our newest diagnosis, I went to the woods, leaned on a tree stump because I literally could not stand well because I could not breath well. My world could be slipping from my hands and all of me broke. I told God exactly what I thought. I told Him I don’t like His plan. I told Him I don’t want to do this plan. It hurts. I don’t like it at all. I have nothing to offer Him but a broken man, and a sick wife- and if he wanted us to go through His perfect plan, He can have it. I quit.
That day, I gave up. I gave it up again as I have times before. He accepted my offer of trading my broken things for His mighty and perfect plan. His plan and I just live it moment by moment with all the diligence and wisdom I can.
And now, we are in Mexico, together getting treatment. How did this happen? I am now, finally after 20 years of trying, writing for readers. How did this happen? We are now walking hand in hand each day, simply being together and receiving what God has in His perfect plan. He has taken care of it all. If something goes wrong (by mans standards) with our situation and we are judged by outsiders (Oh yes, we are constantly being scrutinized by many. Especially for going this ‘tree hugger hippie’ healing route.) I will point to God almighty. It is His plan, His name is on the line for its outcome.
In contrast, if things go well (by mans standards) then I will equally point to God and say this is His plan. I will point to God almighty. It is His plan, His name is on the line for its outcome.
That is exactly where He wants His Name to be.
Moses said it well when big bad Pharaoh charged after the infant nation Israel trapped between mountains and the Red Sea. The mightiest war machine in the known world at the time was coming after them. This is what Moses said, “Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the LORD which He will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The LORD will fight for you, and you will only have to be silent.” Exodus 14:13-14 (Side note, that came true- read the whole story. Catch the details!) If you are hearing what I’m writing, read that verse with your own reality. Say it aloud with passion, conviction and energy.
Back to the Daniel story.
King Nebby, offended and angry, ordered the furnace to be heated seven times hotter, tied up the 3 Hebrews and then… I assume there was a bit of time until the furnace was hot enough. Then they had to wait until it was 7x hotter to be thrown in.
This is the place I feel like Karyn and I are- doing all we can while the flames get hotter. I do not expect that this clinic will wipe away all cancer cells (but that is not up to me!)- but I do believe He is using this time, place and people to move us along His plan. As the caretaker, head of my home and husband of my beautiful bride I am asking- will He save us from the flames when/as we get tossed in? Will He let the ropes just burn away and then hang out with us for a bit because He’s just so amazingly awesome? Or will our flesh be consumed by this worlds brokenness? That, my friends, is His call. I just have to have the faith to be thrown into the fire, then be silent and see what happens.
I do know this, I will take the pain and give it to Him. I will take the victories and give it to Him. I will take today, and give it to Him. My children, my wife, myself, bank account, quality of life may hurt, but I will give them to Him. Where else can I go? For only Jesus is the Way, Truth and the Life- I am running to the Father, through Jesus, with the divine Help of the Holy Spirit.
I dare you to do the same.