Storm in the days of the Valley

Today is Eater 2020. He has risen!

There are no words that can really express my life at this time. We are going though a slew of emotions currently. Last week we had a bad day. Karyn had a major ‘pop’ in her hip that had left her down for a few days, leaving me as nurse, mom and chef. None of these I am good at on any level. A few days later was another rough day. Yes, we had a ‘discussion’ between us that was ultimately good in the end. There was so much tension and stress going on we just had to listen to each other and let it out. Difficult as it was, I am glad we discussed life for a bit. It ended with me looking my wife calmly in the eyes and giving her permission to be stressed and overwhelmed. To expect it. To plan for it. This is where we are and where we are is very hard.

“There are 4 things that we have going on that would stress any family out by themselves” I said. “First, normal people marriage and family and kids. Second, this cancer and severe pain for your leg falling out of socket randomly. Third, my lack of job and the future uncertainty there. Fourth, this quarantine and the restricted help from others.”

I will be honest with you all, these weeks have not been easy, or pleasant. (but there has been some joy if I allow myself to accept it!) Karyn having, and my being the witness of, severe pain is depressing, angering, and downright hard. Her hip bone has a weakened integrity, therefore it can pop out and back in on its own, and randomly. Also, her neck and (the newest addition) her rib feels like its fractured. I’m not saying it is fractured, but she described the pain that way.

The kids have been troopers though this ordeal. They have played so well together and, since I’m home more, there has been a pleasant change in the balance of law and order- two parents are better than one.

My job situation is unique (as this whole economic situation is!). I appreciate sharing the job postings and words of encouragement! I was let go by the company that is no longer going to merge with my dads company. I was on their payroll to bring the companies together operationally. Well, with the merge no longer being pursued, I am not needed. I was let go with severance through April. I Thank God for that provision. I quickly was hired on at Moodys part time. There is not room on payroll for me full time, and I cannot spare a full-time effort due to needing to be home support for my family. So, I am operating the cut room at Ladoga from 6-10 am daily, coming home and finishing school with the kids, prepping lunch and finishing household needs the rest of the day. Karyn, when I am home, works on her therapies and sometimes just takes a nap to rest.

My aunt has lined up Meal Train for us and this has been a mega help for supper and leftovers. I am thankful! Another piece of Gods provision! There has been a little bit of financial help coming in as well, aiding the payback of Hope 4 Cancer in Mexico. We are roughly halfway paid back thanks to Gods help through others.

I have a choice, like I said, there is a slew of emotions going on. On one hand, I am depressed, down and rather ‘monotone’- I can choose this to be my attitude. On the other hand, I look at Gods provision through this storm- I am fed, housed, funded, working, clothed and loved. I can choose this to be my attitude. I honestly struggle between these two attitudes by the hour.

His provision is rather unique in this time, but it is effective. Besides the pain my bride has daily now, we are doing well. I can honestly say we are as well as can be, we are challenged and this is not a comfortable time by any means- but we are as well as one can expect. This is Gods unique plan, and I gave up on trying to push against it. So we will wait on the Lord.

I will wait until He provides an additional opening for income, provision for time, help for Karyns cancer, freedom to receive hands and hugs from others, and I will wait for this “stormy valley” to end. I find a lot of comfort in the writings of David these days. I will end this post with the Word, as it is only the word that holds my heart up these days, and reminds me of the promises of my God almighty. I will wait, I will wait on the Lord and step as He leads us.

We covet your prayers as a family! Let us know if there is a need that we can help you with- I find it helpful to led others a hand if its at all possible. Check out the contact link at the bottom of the home page. We are still accepting donations towards medical bills at this time should that be something God leads you toward. God bless you all!

And now, some encouragement from Gods Word by King David:

Psalm 27 Of David

1 The Lord is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid?

2 When the wicked advance against me to devour me, it is my enemies and my foes who will stumble and fall. 3 Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident.

4 One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. 5 For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock.

6 Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord.

7 Hear my voice when I call, Lord; be merciful to me and answer me. 8 My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, Lord, I will seek. 9 Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, God my Savior. 10 Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. 11 Teach me your way, Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. 12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, spouting malicious accusations.

13 I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. 14 Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. (bold emphasis added)